Worth the wait.

blogWhy is it, when we are little, adults tell us that no one is good enough, but when we get older, we’re told our expectations are “too high?” It seems that we reach a certain age, and our expectations are suddenly unrealistic. Like we could “age out” of deserving something so good for us. As if God were to love us less at 30 than at 16 and want less for our souls.

Is it possible that God has something so perfect for us, if only we were to have the faith and patience to wait for it? Could it be, the one who created the Heavens and the Earth, desires more for us than we desire for ourselves?

I’m often asked what my top desire for a husband is and I always answer, “A man seeking after God’s heart and practicing chastity.” I’ve spoken openly at churches for years about my vow to remain pure and wrote a blog about it last year. While purity is not a common goal for most people nowadays, it is certainly the topic to talk about. I get loads of questions from teens and adults on the subject when I open up about my vow to remain a virgin til marriage, and my “high expectations” for a husband. So, I decided to answer some of those questions. A few are from social media and the others are ones I’ve been asked in person. I picked just a few of my favorites so I hope you enjoy, and please feel free to message me more questions or thoughts. Purity, in and out of marriage, is so important to our souls. God wants more for us, if only we have the faith to get it.

Q: Is remaining a virgin difficult?
A: Yup. Making a promise doesn’t shut off your body – it takes a ton of prayer and discipline.

Q: Do you find dating hard?
A: Yes and no. No, because it acts like a filter with guys. Yes, because sometimes that filter is a little too good. I am still single after all.. lol.

Q: Did your parents make you put on a purity ring?
A: Love this question! And NO! I asked for it when I was 12 and my parents sat me down and talked to me about it. They wanted to make sure I knew what I promising before I made the vow. Then they promised to be there for me if I ever had questions or felt like I wanted to change my mind. They also said they wouldn’t ask if I ever took the ring off. It was always my decision… though I know they’re really happy I made it. 🙂

Q: So you will only date a man “practicing chastity”?
A: Yup.

Q: Don’t you think you’re setting the bar too high? We’re all human and we all make mistakes.
A: Two-parter..
One, yes we’re all human and we all make mistakes. I am forever thankful to serve a merciful God who forgives us and makes us new again! However, we must first acknowledge our sin and promise to “go, and sin no more.” (John 8:11) We have to both be striving for Christ in our hearts so that our bodies follow. It’s not that I refuse to date a guy because he’s human and made mistakes, but if I’m the only one saying no, it will be all too easy to slip up. There is a HUGE difference in a guy that respects your decision to wait, and a man who desires to wait with you. The one that respects your decision to wait is also the one that respects your decision to change your mind in the heat of the moment. The one that desires to wait with you will be your accountability. It won’t be you having to control two bodies. It’s each person in the relationship making the conscious effort to want something more than earthly desires can achieve.
Two, there is NO such thing as setting the bar too high! God calls us to be like Him, and while no one is ever perfect, we are to strive for it. Ladies, set your bar at Christ. Focus your heart and soul on your Heavenly Father and watch how God gives you a man crafted from His own heart to yours. Fellas, look to your Heavenly Mother, who remained pure all her life! God has made a woman who is bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh. She will be your heart and walk with you toward Heaven. Respect her and wait for her. She will be well worth that wait!

Q: You talk a big game for someone not in a relationship.
A: LOL! How true is that! I have so much faith in God as the champion of my heart that I can!

Q: Do you think it’ll really matter if your future husband is waiting to have sex like you?
A: I could talk for hours on this one, but let me sum it up like this..
Ever since I was a little girl, I was told fairytales. I grew up on the Disney classics of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and more. You see, Disney taught us that a prince will fight for you after only meeting you for the first time. But if there is a man willing to fight for you before he’s even met you, well, that’s better than any fairytale I’ve ever read.

1 John 3:3 Everyone who has this hope based on him makes himself pure, as he is pure.

Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure of heart for they shall see God.

Psalms 51: 9, 12 Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow… A clean heart create for me, God; renew within me a steadfast spirit.


How do we love others when they crucify us?

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only son..”   This verse is one of the most commonly used verses of the Bible and when we exam exactly what it means, it shows us so much of our Lord’s love for us.  “He gave his only son.”  How many of you mothers and fathers would be willing to sacrifice your only child for the world?  What if you knew this sacrifice would be brutal – that when you breathed life into your child, the world would take and destroy him?  Some will become followers of your love, while others will sit idly by and watch the torment, and then some will be those who torture him, and yet there will also be others who mocked your love.  Could you find it in your heart to then keep loving?

This immense, unending, unfailing love is what God offers to all of us.  Our sins crucified Jesus and yet God finds a way to love us more.  This is a love I wish I could understand.

I recently have been struggling with private issues.  Often it feels as though the world is attacking me – as if life was a bully and punching me in the gut when I try to take a breath.  My first response is sadness followed by a very hollow anger.  I am very angry at the situation I am in and complete lack of control I have.  Further past the anger, I have hurt.  Feelings have been broken and my heart has taken a beating.  I know God has such strong plans for me, though at times I feel forgotten.


My parents and closest friends have not only shown me love but have reminded me to find the love in this situation; however, I am often at a loss.  How do we love those who hurt us?  How do we forgive them?

I am reminded of the verse John 3:16.  God loving us so much that He would give up His child, Himself, and then go as far as forgive us for what we do to Him.  God has promised to open the gates of Heaven to any who repent.  How then can I not understand how to forgive something so much smaller in retrospect?

This blog is maybe more a question than it is an understanding. Perhaps this isn’t a test of my faith at all but rather a part of living.  God does not punish us through Karma but He allows so much to let our hearts grow strong.  How then, do we take that strength and use it to love and forgive?

I truly don’t know the answer.  Forgiveness seems so foreign to me and yet so needed as well.  I cannot pity but I can pray.   So I now ask, if you have made it through another of my random and nonsensical blogs, please say a prayer for me.  But also, please pray for someone who needs so much love right now.  I cannot find a way to give it to them, but we all need it, and I know they do especially now.  I believe in prayer and God’s love.  I believe we manifest that love when we give it away.  So please, help me love them by praying for them with me.

“My steps have held fast to your paths; my feet have not slipped. I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God; incline your ear to me; hear my words. Wondrously show your steadfast love, O Savior of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at your right hand. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings, from the wicked who do me violence, my deadly enemies who surround me.” Psalm 17: 5-9

Halloween and Modesty

When did Halloween become Hallo-we-wear-nothing?

Halloween, or All Hallow’s Eve, is a time when people celebrate the dead – traditionally saints and martyrs. Through the combination of Western Christian tradition and the Celtic beliefs of witches, jack-o’-lanterns, black cats, and ghosts, we now have a holiday in which many people of all ages dress up and go door to door to receive free candy.

But how did our holiday of ghouls and goblins become one of “sexy nurses” and “I’m a mouse, duh” lingo? How did a holiday that started as remembering our faithfully departed brothers and sisters turn into a time when we could show our sexual beings to the fullest extent? Some people may blame the companies that make the costumes. Whoever is willing to make that “sexy Ebola nurse” costume has to have something wrong with them, right? I, however, blame our over over-sexualized and over-gratified culture.

At a time when “my body, my choice” reigns supreme, we must also acknowledge that over-sexualizing ourselves comes with a cost. Females everywhere are currently screaming to be taken seriously in the work force but are still pushed by the media to also be desirable or else run the risk of being called dowdy. A girl in modest attire can only get so many “likes” on Instagram but a girl in less clothing can get that instant gratification she so longs for. And it’s not just the women that are targeted. Men must appeal in a certain way as well. Our society feeds our thirst for approval by telling us to be one way and then giving us an opportunity to achieve this. Halloween has, like so many other times, become this arena. For one night, we are “allowed” to give in to the pressure of owning our bodies when in reality we disown them by allowing our most precious secrets to be revealed.

I believe in modesty, but more so, I like knowing that I have something yet to be revealed. I own a personal secret that no man has been given. My fashion reflects this privacy and it is a way of protecting it. Halloween is not a one-time-night to reveal my secret but rather it is an opportunity for me to lose it – forever. The thing about secrets is that, once they are shared, they are no longer a secret and there is no more mystery. Over exposing ourselves can and does destroy. Imagine opening all your presents on Christmas after you already saw them – not as much fun as the surprise. Our sexuality has once been called privacy for a reason, and where there is no more mystery, there is no more desire.

This Halloween, I would challenge every woman and man to put the mystery back into the holiday. Not knowing what’s behind every closed door is a major enigma in horror films, and since horror is the theme of the day, let’s keep it that way this year on Halloween as well. At the very least, try to remember that this holiday is about honoring our faithfully departed. I don’t think grandma wants to be honored by your “sexy teacher” costume.


Happy Halloween!


Love from Alice and Cheshire the Cat (dog).

alice and cheshire


Religious Freedom and the black mass

If one’s entire purpose was evil- if it was to promote mockery and hate, it would be considered morally wrong.

As humans, we are all born with a moral compass.  For some,  it seems as though that compass is broken, for some, it is ignored, and for others, it is what they try to live their life by.  As nations have grown and collapsed one thing has always been the driving force for their rising and falling – morality.  Belief that morals should be upheld is what usually establishes a society. Morals, though pressed into our hearts from birth, also find hard truth and example in religion. America claims its uprising began when they wanted the freedom to practice their Christian faith without being told which denomination they chose. That right that we established eventually grew and spread to include all faiths of the world.  As the world has grown and changed, so have the religions.  Christianity is no longer a few denominations between Catholics and protestants, but now encompasses thousands of different practices all centered around Jesus Christ.  There are even the more obscure, and some-would-say trending religions, that have sprung up in the last 100 years.  Through all these religions, one thing is evident- love.  Love for a higher power and love for each other is good.  All religions focus that love in doing good and avoiding whatever type of evil that would resist such good.  Even a non-religious person would agree that good is something to strive for and evil is something to avoid.  This is our moral compass.

There are those that would say that morality has no line- that religion exists only to control the minds of the people they govern; however if this were true we could not agree that acting on hate for another person is wrong. “If you say there is no such thing as morality in absolute terms, then child abuse is not evil, it just may not be your thing.” – Rebecca Manley Pippert  But morality has, essentially, evolved in the world.  We no longer live in a world of black and white- quite the contrary, most of our laws are geared towards the grey.  We are skewing our minds into forgetting what is right and what is wrong based on what we have claimed to be a lack of moral line.

So let’s go back to that moral compass.  We can all recall the famous stories and fairy-tales our parents taught us growing up.  There was always a good guy and a bad guy.  The good guy was loving and kind to everyone, where as the bad guy typically sought to conquer the world for his own narcissistic needs.  The evil character did not only want to rule, but he also wanted to steal, kill, and destroy everything around him.

Now let’s go back to religion.  God, Yahweh, Elohim, Jehovah, Allah, Bahá, and Brahman are just a few of the multitudes of names giving by faiths that have a high power over them.  This higher power is deemed all-loving, all-knowing, and all-giving.  Satan, the Devil, the accuser, the Tempter, and the Evil One are a few of the names for a lower and evil power whose sole purpose is to lead astray the followers of the God.  Even non-religious or non-believers know that Satan is to be revered as evil in the multitudes of religion across the world. The newest of religions is that of Satanism which has a multitude of definitions.  There is the belief that no God exists and no spiritual entities either (no angels, no demons.)  This type of Satanism is based on one’s own self.  It proclaims we are our own god but that we must not hurt one another or inturupt the lives and beliefs of others.  Then there is Theistic Satanism in which many call devil worshipers.  In this line of Satanism, Lucifer is regarded as high power and the mocking of the Christian god is performed during their service.  This service is what is known as the black mass.

A black mass, by definition, is used to defy God and worship Satan, by means of inverting the Catholic mass. All the beliefs of a Catholic Christian are upheld. They believe the Eucharist is truly the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ. Because of this, they go and steal a piece of the Eucharist (the body- bread, cracker) from a Catholic Church and desecrate it during their black mass. They urinate, defecate, and perform sexual acts upon it. The entire purpose is to be a mockery of the church.  (Also, because of the theft and public nudity, what takes place during that black mass is illegal.)

Religious freedom is being brought up in the debate of whether or not this black mass should be allowed- but I challenge a greater question. Is allowing the black mass to happen morally correct?

Would holding a KKK demonstration be allowed? What if the demonstrators promised to not kill anyone (implying they would not be doing anything technically illegal,) but simply wanted to educate people on their beliefs and show demonstrations based on those beliefs?  What if they sold tickets to this kind of forum?

We could possibly agree that killing someone “because their faith said so” is wrong- even if we don’t, it’s in our laws. Murder is illegal.  Whether your religion says you should do it or not, the law upholds a moral justice that says murder is not allowed.  So the law has, before, trumped the religious freedom clause.  Our law has looked to its moral compass and decided that killing someone is immoral just as the multitudes of believing and non-believing people in world would agree that worshiping Satan or promoting evil in the world is also immoral.

If you are still of the idea that religious freedom stands, then let me ask you one last question. If you can say you would be against an anti-Muslim, anti-Jewish, homosexual hate group, or the KKK to come to town and sell tickets to a “show” that requires illegal practices to be performed, then you must also agree that allowing a black mass is wrong- correct?  When the sole purpose of a group, show, venue, or organization is to promote and invite evil and hate, then it should not be allowed.  Where is everyone that calls for love and tolerance??  Because I can guarantee you that NOTHING in a black mass is love or tolerance or instruction to serve the common good.

Where is our moral compass?  If you’re having to justify allowing a demonstration that promotes such blasphemy against God, then perhaps you’re trying too hard to ignore your moral compass.  I, being a devout Catholic, believe firmly in the sanctity of our mass.  I believe that God is present in the Eucharist and to steal that and desecrate it is the most dangerous of sins.  I also believe I have a moral obligation to prevent and fight against the attack of the devil.  Common sense tells me that holding a public demonstration that mocks a religion is wrong.  Common sense tells me that any demonstration that has illegal acts in it is wrong.  Common sense tells me what the moral thing is to do.

This black mass should be banned.


“The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything.” – Albert Einstein



50 Shades, Magic Mike, and my purity

As an actress, I’ve tried to keep the mentality that all film comes with a certain truth, lesson, or reason. I never decide on a film before seeing it and because of this, I try to see a lot of films; however, as a woman chasing purity, this job can lead my heart and my mind astray.

Chasing purity and chastity is an almost obscure concept. Desiring to remain a virgin til marriage is, to some, impossible, laughable, and nonsensical. To me, it is joyful, promising, and difficult. I love to hear the common chatter amongst men and women that say “Isn’t that hard, Don’t you want to test drive the vehicle first, But don’t you want it?” And my answer to all of these questions is “Yes!”

Yes I want all of that! My soul desiring purity does not mean my body does. God has specially designed our bodies to connect to our spouses in the most wonderfully physical way. I know this. Me being a virgin does not blind my body to what it desires. I heard a statistic recently that says you are fed messages on your body at least 40 times a day. Every single day you are being reminded of your body and what it wants. It wants to eat. It wants to be beautiful. It wants to feel. The media controls our every action by reminding us what we constantly desire. Food. Beauty. Pleasure.

But what the media will tell us we need to fuel these wants and desires could not be farther from what God wants to fuel us with. Food of The Lord- the body and blood of Christ. Beauty of Heaven- knowing that God has made us in His image and our hearts are shaped to love Him beautifully, perfectly, and fully. Pleasure of the soul – greater than any physical, earthly need, our God can fill us completely with overwhelming joy.

I am aware of what my body wants, but as I’ve grown, I’ve learned what my body needs to be fed with. When it comes to movies and books, I don’t need to be reminded of what earthly desires I have, but instead I need to dive into the book of God to feed my soul. Does this mean I can only read my bible? No. But it does mean I need to steer clear of books that lead me into unclean thoughts and actions.

Reading books or seeing movies like 50 Shades of Grey or Magic Mike may not be sinful.. But they can drive us to sin. My mind is powerful and my heart is strong, but in a battle between the two, sometimes my mind can convince itself to go against my heart. I desire nothing more than to be with The Lord. I long to see Him in my every day and I know in order to do this, I must be smarter than what Hollywood or “the media” tells me is good.

I’m sure there are many girls.. And maybe some guys.. Reading this and shaking their heads.. And to y’all I say “good luck.” The path to purity is difficult- it’s not easy. But the outcome is truly worth my time, my thoughts, and my soul.